Okay, so … like … senior year has officially begun.
I don’t really wanna talk about it. (What is life after college? What is full-time employment? What is REAL LIFE?!?)
Ugh. Let’s talk about summer instead.
This past summer, I booked a marketing internship at a mid-sized theater in Chicago called TimeLine Theatre Company. (It was cool and rewarding and obviously ended in margaritas with my boss.) I started a hostessing job at a French restaurant called Bistro Bordeaux. (I am a parody of myself.) I also took my pet hedgehog to an exotic veterinarian because a strand of my hair got wrapped around his paw and was cutting off the circulation, causing an infection. (Is it illegal to secretly transport a hedgehog on a bus?)
He’s doing okay now. Thanks for your concerns.
Anyway, the most exciting adventure sat at the end of summer, a week before classes started. If you’re my Facebook friend, you probably spent a good twenty minutes of your life scrolling through my “Roadtrip 4 Richard” photo album, and I don’t blame you. The album contains about 200 photographs of the approximate 1,000 that I took during a twelve-day roadtrip along the West Coast with my friend A.J. The trip was full of lots of friends, lots of fun, and lots of farts (sorry ’bout it), but most importantly, it was full of FOOD.
There’s really not much explanation when it comes to how deliciously weird and weirdly delicious all this food was. So, all I’m gonna do is let you experience it all yourself and preface the next few posts with the following:
After A.J.’s car broke down in his garage and we had a pleasant, hour-long conversation with a triple-A rep named Richard about San Diego as he replaced A.J.’s car battery (hence the name “Roadtrip 4 Richard”), we stopped at a gourmet market named AJ’s (ugh, stop, I know it has the same name as my friend A.J., it’s dumb). I bought the above veggie spinach wrap … and let’s just say that it looks a lot better than it tasted. Actually, no. I was dumb and got oil and vinegar instead of mustard, and it spilled all over me in the car.
Rule #1 of ordering a wrap: never order oil and vinegar. That is just dumb. DUMB. But it’s pretty photogenic, isn’t it?
Post awful veggie spinach wrap. Reppin’ a pair of touristy socks from Tucson that A.J. bought me in freshman year.
Food and gas: an accurate representation of the road trip. One of these things constantly entered our bodies; another constantly exited.
(My potty humor too graphic for ya? GET OUT.)
We drove eight hours from Tucson to San Diego, where we spent the night in a hotel in the Gas Lamp Quarter (THANKS, MR. TOMIAK!) after getting dinner and margaritas at an incredible Mexican place a few blocks away from our hotel. Woof.
The next morning, we made the two hour trek to Laguna Beach, CA, which looks like this:
Ugh. A few minutes upon our arrival into town, I found …
…the Candy Baron. I have no words. No. Words.
I may or may not have spent $16 in the Candy Baron. I hope you wouldn’t expect anything less of me. Sixteen dollars is fairly tame. Honestly.
Next, we met up with our friend Keaton for lunch. Keaton looks like this:
He is a California boy, through and through, and he will one day grow up to be a very talented broadcast news reporter guy. For the past year-and-a-half, he has also, for no reason I can truly understand, been able to tolerate A.J. and me, a feat that not many people can do. Yeah, Keater!
For lunch, Keaton drove us to the one, the only, the INFAMOUS …
oh my god oh my god oh my god. First of all, this was my first time eating at In-N-Out and OH MY GOD OH MY GOD OH MY GOD. Second of all, Keaton is a former In-N-Out employee, and he gave us the inside scoop on the secret menu, which was … fun? Third of all, In-N-Out has a “vegan sandwich” on their secret menu, which is SO COOL, and the only reason I put “vegan sandwich” in quotes is because it’s actually just a hamburger with no meat and no special In-N-Out sauce, which really isn’t that cool but it’s still pretty cool. Voilà:
Literally a bun, lettuce, tomato, onions, pickles, ketchup, and mustard. AND I’M OKAY WITH THAT. (Also pictured with french fries, hand-cut from fresh potatoes that day, and a small root beer, the true nectar of the gods.)
BUT the coolest thing was that when I stepped up to the front counter to order my “vegan sandwich,” the In-N-Out guy asked if I was vegan after I ordered, and I was all, “DUH!” (jk, I was like, “Yes, I am! Why do you ask?”) and he told me that he had been trying to go vegan for the past three days!!!!!!
(He was a fairly big boy, and I will be surprised if he has made it this long. But God bless his little vegan soul. I think his name was Jed. Possibly Jedd. He and his “vegan sandwich” will forever have a place in my heart.)
It will also have a place on my thighs because I pretty much ate THE WHOLE THING. How do people on the West Coast not eat this delicacy every day?!!!??! So. Good.
After In-N-Out, Keater drove us back to Laguna, where we hopped in the car and began a three-hour drive to Los Angeles up the 101, where we ate vegan pizza, sushi, ice cream sandwiches, and so much other good food that our stomachs almost exploded.
(We lived to tell the tale. Obviously. But I’m not sure I can say the same for you after you look at all the pictures of the aforementioned food in my next blog post!!!!)
‘Til next time, little ants!