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Featured Guest: Brian Tweets British Sweets

As I’ve been running around Paris, eating mounds and mounds of French chocolates and candies and pastries, my friend Brian has been enjoying his fall semester studying in London, England. This past week (his last week before flying back home to Pennsylvania), he started posting mini-reviews of British and European candy bars on his Twitter page.

(For those of you who aren’t familiar with the social media platform, individuals or companies can make user accounts on Twitter.com, where they can post messages of up to 140 characters called “tweets.” Users can also read tweets on their homepage that are posted by the other Twitter accounts that they follow. I follow Brian’s Twitter account, so every time I log onto my Twitter.com homepage, his tweets show up—and his candy reviews were no exception.)

Trust me, and you’ll see below, his tweets were pure genius. They were everything I’m trying to do with this blog and more—just squished into a 140-character-or-less tiny format. So I asked him (semi-jokingly) if he wanted to be featured on my blog. He tweeted back, “haha if you want Im not as elaborate as you. My other two candy tweets are little more raw #candycritic.”

(By “elaborate,” I’m pretty sure he meant “rambling” and “long-winded.” But I appreciate the kind gesture.)

Still somewhat joking (but altogether quite serious), I suggested the title of the post: “Brian’s Candy Corner,” which Brian happened to like a lot. But since this is my blog and I can do whatever I want, I decided to ditch the juvenile Barney-esque name and go for something much more clever and much less pre-pubescent: Brian Tweets British Sweets. It’s got a ring to it, doesn’t it?

The beautiful thing about the Internet is that you can post anything you want, and there’s bound to be at least one person who will read it and find it interesting. So here’s to Brian, and to me, and to the few of you out there who may enjoy these little reviews and would try a few of these foreign goodies if given the chance.

I hope you enjoy the subtle humor, the blatant honesty, and the strict brevity (thanks, Twitter) of Brian’s reviews as much as I did. Note: I haven’t tried any of these candy bars, but I will offer my biased, unfounded opinions because, like I said above, this is my blog and I can do whatever I want!

BRIAN TWEETS BRITISH SWEETS

1. Cadbury “Dream”

BTBS-a

Brian, let’s get real. Cadbury is to chocolate as Hershey’s is to cow manure. I don’t know if I did that analogy correctly, but what I’m really trying to say is that CADBURY RULES, and HERSHEY’S DROOLS.

2. Cadbury “Crunchie”

BTBS-b

Ugh. This girl is feelin’ deprived of her weirdly-crunchy-peanut-buttery-toffee-like gunk over here in France. (But actually, though. I love Butterfingers. So I’m dying to have this.)

3. Cadbury “Twist”

BTBS-c

“Twirl?” Come on, that name isn’t even trying to be subtle. But if a pseudo-Twix is involved, I’m in. Even if Brian only gives it a C-.

4. Mars, Inc. “Maltesers”

BTBS-d

Maltesers exist in France, but I’ve never really had much of a craving for malted milk balls, so I’ve never tried them. I mean, what even is “malted milk,” anyway? I don’t really want to find out.

5. Cadbury “Wispa”

BTBS-e

Too many sexual innuendos come to mind with this review for me to even think about this candy bar, so thanks for that, Brian. #AutomaticD-? I’ll raise a glass to that.

6. Nestlé “Aero”

BTBS-f

We know how I feel about Nestlé, especially since the company is French. So maybe I’ll give this one a try.

MY CONCLUSIONS

  1. Brian is a very tough grader.
  2. British chocolate > American chocolate.
  3. British candy bars < American candy bars.
  4. Cadbury’s is and always will be better than Hershey’s.
  5. Stay away from anything that requires sucking out chocolate. No questions asked.

And if I can learn a thing or two from Brian, it’s that when it comes to candy reviews, shorter is sweeter. When it comes to candy bars, though, I think we can all agree on the opposite … no matter which country you’re in.

Photography, tweets, and candy reviews courtesy of #candycritic Brian Berry. Thanks, bud!

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